The Wicked Witch of the, where do I live again?
by Cadringiel
Summary: The Wicked Witch has most often been thought of the crafty, smart, even evil person from Oz. However, in this story, she's very ditsy, forgetful, and anything but crafty. 'Hey, don't be so mean! I'm the Wicked Witch of the... wait, where do I live again'
1. Nessa! There's a house on you!

Well, you think you know Oz, right? Forget it. Everyone thinks they do! They know Glinda, they know Dorothy, they all know the Scarecrow, Tin Man, Cowardly Lion, and the Wicked Witch of the West. However, the Witch isn't exactly what you think she is. She's not evil. She's not even misunderstood! She's . . . well to be honest she's a little slow. And forgetful. Here's that classic story with that little part they left out. . .

Disclaimer:I don't own Oz, or Wicked, although I really wish I did. Wouldn't that be fun? ;; Getting on with the story.

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I appear in Munchkinland with a very theatrical burst of orange smoke. It took some work for me to make that smoke bomb, but I eventually got it to work. The monkeys weren't too happy though, my castle was full of choking smoke and sulfur smell for about a week. Oh well, time to find my sister!

"Nessa!" I call, looking around me. The Munchkins are all on the ground. I didn't mean to scare them so. "Hey, Glinda, have you seen my sister? I can't seem to find her anywhere."

"Ahem." she clears her throat awkwardly. There's a girl in a blue and white gingham dress standing beside her. I wonder if she'll be my friend, or even come and visit me. "Over there."

She pointed to a strange house. It's quite different from the surrounding cottages.

"All right, who was the smart aleck that turned my sister into a house. Was it you, Glinda? Or was it you, what-ever-your-name-is? Because turn her back, I wanna say 'hi'!"

"Not the house." Glinda says, rather exasperated at me. "Under the house."

"Under the house?" I look back at it. There doesn't seem to be anything under it, just a pair of legs sticking out from one of the sides. I wonder why those are there.

"It's, well, you see, my house dropped on her." what's-her-name says, seeming very sorry.

"You dropped your house on my sister? How could anyone be so unbelievably clumsy!" I don't even know this girl, but she already seems like a dits. "Didn't you at least _look_ where you were landing that thing? Her face might have looked a little like a runway, but you didn't actually have to land on it. Well, is she alright?"

"Look at the house again, Elphie." says Glinda, pointing at it with her wand.

"I already looked okay! I'm not an idiot!" She always made fun of me. "All there is are those legs sticking out from under it!"

"Yes, legs. Look closer at them." Glinda urges. Sheesh, alright. I'll do it.

"AAAAHHHH! Nessa! There's a house on you!" I bend down next to the foundation. "Can you hear me! I'll try and get you out!"

"You finally recognize her, then?" Glinda sighs.

"Of course I recognize her! Who wouldn't recognize their own sister? Besides, no one else would wear ruby slippers with _those_ socks. I always said she had no fashion sense." Then suddenly, it hit me! The shoes were shiny, and I just love shiny objects.

"The slippers! I want them!" I reach down to take them from her. She won't need them anymore, right? But just as I'm about to get my hands on them, they disappear! "The ruby slippers! Where are they! Glinda, do you know where . . ." Shiny hat. Shiny shiny shiny . . . wait, slippers!

"It's too late. There they are, and there they'll stay." Glinda says authoritatively. I look down. What's-her-name has my shoes! Not fair!

"Give me my ruby slippers! They're of no use to you! Give them back to me, give them back!" I yell. I want shiny!

"Keep tight inside of them, their magic must be very powerful or she wouldn't want them so badly." she says. What on earth are you talking about Glinda! I've never had any talent for magic! Have you ever seen my tower? I can't even master a simple cleaning spell!

"You stay out of this Glinda, or I'll fix you as well!" Wow, that sounded cool. I can act like I have power! I bet anything I just fooled old what's-her-name over there.

"Rubbish! You have no power here!" she says loudly, then mumbles, "or anywhere else for that matter."

"Oh, very well. But I'm not just going back to my tower and forgetting about you, whatever-your-name-is! I want those slippers! So . . . I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!"

I hurry back over to the spot from which I appeared, retrieving another smoke bomb from my pocket. I laugh at the terrified look that little girl's giving me now. Haha, what is she thinking! Up goes the smoke, and off I run. I grab my trusty broom from one of the bushes.

Up in the air, it's a very nice breeze. The sun's unusually bright today. Birds are singing. Maybe I should stop and look at that field with a Scarecrow in it, but maybe later. And now, off to plot my revenge and . . . wait, where am I going again?


	2. Mr Tree and Boq

Hey, next chapter up! This one's a little different than the first one. I promise, I'll do my best to stick to comedy. I still don't own any of the stuff from Oz or Wicked, in case you didn't know or didn't read my first disclaimer. If you didn't read the first one, I hopeyou read this one becauseI'mnot writing any more. On with the show!

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I decide to stop near a grove of apple trees to try and get my bearings. So let's see, the yellow brick road leads to the Emerald City and it's going that way. So, in order to get to my house in the west I go . . . wait, this road isn't precisely strait, so this might just be a bend and I'm actually sending myself North or South instead of . . . I want to go West, right? Or maybe it's East . . . I can't remember. All this hard thinking is making me hungry. I think I'll eat an apple.

"Hey, what do you think you're doing?" says the tree, slapping my hand away. "My goodness, your skin's as green as my leaves."

"Yes, I know. And before you ask, I'm not motion sick, yes I've always been this way, and no I did not eat grass as a child. . . wait, did you just talk Mr. Tree?"

"Of course I talk." he answered.

"Oh. In that case I'm awful sorry. I'll be on my way then." I say, turning to leave. Oh look, it's that girl, and she has that scarecrow from the field. Wait, that thing's walking. I think it might be a Scarecrow! Wow, I've never met one of those before! That's so cool!

Haha! She just picked an apple off of Mr. Tree! Now she'll get it! No good brat. Hey, the trees are throwing apples at her! Sweet, apples! I pick up some behind a little cottage. One seems to have rolled under the door.

"Well, hello Elphie!" I look up to see . . . Munchkin-guy-I-know-from-Shiz. What was his name again?

"Don't you remember me? It's Boq." Riiiight! I remember now! Glinda called him Biq and he hated it!

"Of course I remember you Boq!" I hope he didn't notice my mind blank. "Long time no see! How are things?"

"I just heard about your sister." he said sorrowfully, putting his hand on my shoulder (something of a stretch). "I'm so sorry, really I am."

"Nessa, really? Is something wrong with her?" I ask. Oh no, did something happen? . . . Now he's staring at me weirdly. Did I say something?

"Didn't you just come from there? I thought you knew." he answers. I shake my head, still looking worried. "I'm sorry I have to be the one to tell you this, but she's dead." He looks down at the floor.

Tears well in my eyes, but I force back the burning. I close them tight shut. No, no it can't be true! Never, never, she can't go! I sink to the floor, clutching my head and pulling my hair in my face.

"Elphaba? Are you okay?" he asks, bending down onto my level.

I shake myself and jump up again. "Of course I'm okay, Boq!" I say in my usual happy manner. "I really did just come from there, a house fell on her right? But I expect she'll get out of the hospital any day now. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go deal with the brat what's-her-name and her Scarecrow. The Scarecrow walks, and I bet it talks too! Did you ever hear of such a thing?" I turn to leave, but Boq says something that makes me pause.

"Elphie, you can't just forget everything."

I keep going. It looks like I must have walked in during the middle of a conversation. There looks like a Tin Man among them. He's speaking.

"But, suppose the Wizard wouldn't give me a heart when we got there?"

"Oh, but he will! He must!" How can she say that with such enthusiasm, so young. "We've come such a long way already!"

Now that's just not true! She has no conception of Oz geography! I guess it's time for Elphaba to the rescue! Another smoke bomb within my coat pocket (how many did I make, again?) to help for a theatrical entrance.

"Ha! You call that long! Why, you've just begun!" I cry, appearing on top of the roof of Biq's (or was it Boq's?) cottage.

"It's the Wicked Witch of the West!" what's-her-name squeals.

"Is it West? Thanks, I was wondering about that." I decide to clear something up. "We haven't met properly have we? Well, you seem to know me but I don't even know your name."

"Don't tell her, Dorothy." warns the Scarecrow. "She'll use your name to put a spell on you!"

"So, you're name's Dorothy, is it?" I say. The Scarecrow hits his forehead, making a little fwump of hay.

"I really need to see the Wizard to get a brain." he says regretfully. "Sorry."

"It's okay, Scarecrow." she says, patting his arm understandingly.

"Oh, so you're helping the little lady along are you, my fine gentleman? Well, stay away from her!" Why do I seem to hate this little girl so much? "Or I'll stuff a mattress with you!" I say, pointing at the Scarecrow. My, that would be one uncomfortable mattress! Can't imagine what I'd ever do with it. "And you! I'll use you for a beehive!" I point at the Tin Man. He's clanking with fear. I really do need another beehive, those bees are getting restless in their tight space and have started stinging my monkeys.


	3. Pansies, I mean Poppies

I know my chapters are all really short. But that's just because all the scenes with the Witch in the movie are all _really_ short too. I'm doing my best to lengthen them out, but I think the story will be finished soon. She only has two more scenes left. Please review it no matter how pathetic it is!

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I wake up to Nikko savagely pulling the blanket off me. I grab a corner and pull it back over my head.

"Five more minutes." I grumble. In reply, he continues to tug at the blanket. "What is it? Oh fine, I'll get up."

Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I go to brush my hair, which is quite a mess from last night's flight. I put it up in a bun, slipping it under my hat and taking out another of my black dresses to wear.

"Now, what did you want to tell me, Nikko?" He leads me over to my crystal ball, pointing at it. "I already know my horoscope: stay out of the rain and to beware of new acquaintances."

He gibbers again, pointing at it more insistently. "You think I should see what Dorothy and her friends are up to? Why? Oh, right, I want to keep them from meeting O.Z.P.I.N.H.E.A.D. a.k.a. Chester. Okay. Let my just find the switch."

I search around the ball for the little light-switch that turns it on. After finally finding it, I place the ball back on the table and gaze into it. I see the group skipping along a forest path, singing some idiotic song.

"Ugh, there's nothing so depressing as boundless optimism. But not for long. I need to do something to stop them. I could squash them like the bugs they are, but that's too messy. Or I could be crafty and creative!" Nikko gibbers a little interruption. "I _am_ crafty! I've made up many a devious scheme." He gibbers some more. "So what if none of them worked! It'll work this time."

I sit down to think. Hmmmm, what to do what to do what to do. I sit there, staring at the ball for some time. Thinking isn't one of my strong points.

"Something with poison in it, I think." I say, beginning to talk to myself. "But attractive to the eye so they don't avoid it immediately, and soothing to the smell so they go toward it and don't notice the poison. I know! Skunk cabbage!" Nikko gibbers. "No? Hmmm, what about a corpse plant?" He shakes his head vigorously. "Well, what's your bright idea then?" I ask, rather agitated. He gibbers in my ear.

"Poppies? Why poppies? Ohhhh, poppies! Yes, poppies will put them to sleep. Let me just grind up some mysterious red powder that I have no idea what it does. Because I think it'll make the poppies put them to sleep, that's why. This special red powder will make the sleep enchanted and last forever!" Nikko gibbers doubtfully. "Yes I know what I'm doing. I'll make them sleep, you'll see! And then those slippers will be mine!"

"Why do you want those slippers so badly?" says a voice behind me. I turn to face Glinda, standing in the doorway.

"How did you get up here?" I ask. "Oh, no matter." I say, waving the matter off.

"I repeat, why do you want them? She's just a little girl, what has she done to you?" says Glinda meaningfully, walking farther into the room.

"I deserve those shoes! They're really mine to begin with, and you had no right giving them to a stranger, no matter how cute." I say, a little vehemently.

"Yes, I suppose you're right," she apologizes, "and for that I'm sorry. But that's no reason to hurt the girl."

"I'm not hurting her. And I won't have to if she just gives me the shoes. Why ever did you tell her to keep them on?"

"I suppose it's one of those 'it seemed like a good idea at the time' things. I'm sure I had a reason, but I just don't remember it."

"You'll be the death of me someday, Glinda. Just because you said that, she'll never agree to letting me have them unless I threaten to kill her or worse!" I say angrily, knowing it to be true. "She's so gullible! If I had been the first one on the scene, told her that she was in the Land of Narnia and she just killed their wonderful ruler Aslan, she'd bend down before me apologizing!"

"She's just naive. You can't make fun of her, just because she's twelve years old." Glinda says, scoldingly.

"Then I suppose I'll have to be the one to help her grow up." I grumble. "Just go away."

"What, so you can forget me like everyone else?" she asks darkly. "I talked to Boq earlier, and it was he who asked me to come and check up on you."

"I told you to leave!" I yell, turning on her wildly. "Get out of my house!"

"Goodbye then, Elphie." she says, floating away in her pink bubble.

"Good riddance." I say, turning back to my red powder. "What was I doing again?" Nikko gibbers an answer. "Making enchanted poppies, right. How do you suppose I do that?" I run hurriedly to the Grimmerie, flipping through its pages.

"Aha. Bewitching objects, let's see. Pansies, pogo sticks, poinsettias, poison poppies, polar bears---" Nikko interrupts. "What do you mean I passed it? Oh." I look back down at the page I just turned. "Poison poppies, right. Step one- select field you want to populate. . ."

(An hour later)

"That should fix them. My pansies, I mean poppies, won't fail me now." I say, after completing the last step (it was number 253) and finally placing the heavy Grimmerie back on its shelf. I just really hope I didn't forget a step.


	4. Surrender What'sHerNameInGingham

Warning: Extremely short Chapter ahead. I'm just writing about a chapter per day, I sort of want to finish it because it'll be the second story I've ever finished. I probably shouldn't be doing this, and getting more rest, but oh well. And I'll stop boring you now. Review please!

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I gaze intently at my crystal ball (hoping the batteries don't run out) watching the effects of my poppies do their worst. They are falling asleep! Now they'll never wake up! Ha, and the Tin Man's rusted himself with crying. Why does he say he hasn't got a heart when he's so unbelievably emotional! And that Scarecrow, claiming he doesn't have a brain when he's the one with the plans and ideas. The nerve!

Wait, what's this? I turn back to my crystal, looking harder at it. It seems to be snowing! Unusual weather for July, it must be some sort of spell. But it won't help them now, my poppies' effects are permanent and can't be removed by any sort of . . . why are they waking up? WHY are they WAKING UP!

"They're not supposed to wake up!" I yell, grabbing the Grimmerie, and flipping vigorously to the page about poison poppies, almost tearing out pages in my rush.

I read all the steps over furiously, only to find that, "I missed step #156! HOW COULD I HAVE MISSED STEP #156!" I screech, sending my crows flapping out of windows and a few monkeys after them. Wow, I never knew my castle was so good for acoustics and echoing. I also didn't know I could yell so loud.

"That little girl and her ratty little dog must be at the Emerald City by now. I'll give them a little scare, make them think her presence among them has brought my wrath down upon them."

Nikko retreats a little out of his corner in order to mutter something. "Why yes I do have a horrible wrath. I'll show them what a horrible enemy I can be. I'll give them a message in the sky, tailing smoke from the end of my broomstick. Don't look at me that way! I'll manage it before it's too late."

With that I set to work, following the directions down to the very last punctuation mark (if this is possible, but if not you know what I mean). Working quickly and diligently, I'm able to complete the proper modifications with not much time to spare. I still didn't add padding, so it'll be a bumpy ride at the speed's I'll be traveling. No matter, those shoes are worth it.

"To the Emerald City as fast as lightning!" I shout, mounting my broom and stepping near the window. When nothing happens, I say, "In other words, Go!" I shoot off into the sun.

Finally, I'm there, flying around in the sky above Emerald City. The City of Lies, as I've named it, as it seems like you can hear no truth in that place. "Surrender What's-Her-Name-In-Gingham" is what I write. Because I can't remember her name, that's why! Not a very good threatening note, when you can't even remember your victim's name, but it'll have to do.

Time for a long ride back home. I glance worriedly up at the darkening sky. I'd better hurry if I want to outrun this . . . I see a wall of water headed strait toward me. I dive downwards, panicking. I manage to slip underneath a large oak tree before the storm hits. I pull my weatherbeaten cloak closely around me, careful not to sit underneath a drip. Drawing my hood up around my neck, I climb into the branches to wait out the storm. Thunder rolls above me, and the rain continues to rage. The good news is that the Yellow Brick Road will be flooded so there's no chance of that Dorothy reaching my house before I get back. Dorothy! That was her name! Well, it's too late to go back and change it.

Despite the coldness and humidity of the place, I manage to doze off. I start remembering the old days when I walked the streets of Emerald City.

"Fiyero!" I wake with a start. I must have yelled in my sleep. There's cold sweat on my forehead, and I'm panting. There's also something that feels like acid on my cheeks. I wipe it off, trying not to think of the dream. I won't remember.

The rain seems to have stopped, but the sky is still dark. I take the opportunity to retrieve my broom and fly back to my castle. I'm glad to be back in my tower. I give orders to Nikko that I'm not to be disturbed unless there's news about Dorothy.

I lock the door, close the shutters on the windows, leaving one open just enough for light to read the Grimmerie. I have to make sure I don't miss a step this time. I'll get that girl . . .


	5. Old Winkie Marching Song

Sorry it took so long to update, the site didn't like me. It wouldn't upload the document when I had finished it, so I put it off. Now it works though! R&R!

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I hear a soft knock on my door. "Come in!" I snap. Nikko enters cautiously, opening the door open only a crack and slipping in. He looks dumbfounded to see me pacing the room angrily, ripping the petals off of a large orange poppy.

"I hate her, I hate her not." I say, ripping off one petal at a time. "I hate her, I hate her not. . ." Tearing up the rest of the flower in a frenzy, I say, "I hate hate _hate_ _HATE_ **_HATE HER!_**"

Nikko starts to retreat toward the door, fearing another of my outbursts.

"Come back, Nikko, it's not you I hate." He takes a couple more tentative steps forwards. "I'm sorry I've been so mean lately, I'm just under a lot of stress. Oz himself must have ordained that brat to enter my domain. But no matter, I just need a way to get her here before me."

I start to pace again, forming a plan in my mind. "Yes, yes," I mutter, "I've got it. Perfect! I'll surround them with the Winkies, and then . . ."

"Winkies!" I shout. "Winkies, come forth!" Their steady marching footsteps start to be heard, as I hurry down to the main hall.

"Yoo-hee-hoo, yo-ho! Yoo-hee-hoo, yo-ho!" they sing, marching in and forming ranks in front of me. "Yoo-hee-hoo, yo-ho!"

"Enough, that's enough." I say loudly.

"Yoo-hee-hoo, yo-ho! Yoo-hee-hoo, yo-ho!" they still sing.

"Quiet!" I yell.

"Yoo-hee-hoo, yo-"

"SILENCE!" I screech. They finally stop, and stand at attention in silence. "Must you always sing that revolting requiem?" I ask, irritated.

"Since you put your foot through our drum, my lady, how else can we keep in time?" the general answers.

"Did I put my foot though the drum?" I vaguely remember something, but it's a shadow. "Well, remind me to get you a new one soon. Do the words mean anything?"

"You mean," the general sings, "yoo-hee-hoo, yo-ho!"

"Yes, yes that. Do the words mean anything?" I say, hoping they won't sing anymore.

"It's an old Winkie marching song," he says, "meaning roughly, yoo-hee-hoo, yo-ho!"

"Ahh! Enough singing! I can't stand it!" I yell. "I'll get you a new drum as soon as I finish with the brat Dorothy. Back to your posts, in silence."

They march out, singing, "yoo-hee-hoo, yo-ho!"

Massaging my temples to keep myself from getting a migraine, I say "Nikko, the next time I enslave a nation, remind me to check out their intelligence first."

Finally, when I can't hear their singing anymore, I turn to Nikko, saying, "Take your strongest and toughest of soldiers and bring me that brat, her dog, and the Lion."

He gibbers something in reply. "What do you mean you're exhausted? . . . Well it's not my fault you were out all night looking for me!" He gibbers some more. "It was raining! You honestly didn't expect me to go flying in the rain!" Nikko grumbles something incoherently. "This argument is getting us nowhere. I'll send something ahead of you to take the fight out of them."

Nikko looks doubtful. "I've been up reading the Grimmerie for a long time, I know exactly what I'm doing. Now, which one of these handy beasts shall I send to plague them. Hello Kitty?" Nikko recoils in fear. "No, not frightening enough. Barney?" Nikko retreats even farther, shivering with dread. "Still not scary enough. I have it! The Jitterbug!" His eyes bug out in horror, approaching me slowly and gibbering. "No, I will not show mercy! How dare you plead for her! There's nothing so horrible in the entire book! Once bitten, they can never stop dancing until they drop. Then you can scoop them up without any trouble or fight."

He gibbers a little, looking at the complicated steps I have to complete to summon it. "I told you, I know what I'm doing! I won't fail this time. They're about to enter the Haunted Forest. The Jitterbug is unbelievably fast, so you can fly on ahead. Don't look at me like that, I'll send it along in time. Now fly!"

He jumps out the window, spreading his wings and calling some of his fellows to accompany him.

"Fly! Fly!" I turn back to the Grimmerie, beginning the preparations. "Soon those ruby slippers will grace my dainty feet!" Pausing, I look down at my feet. They are very large. I begin to rethink things. "I wonder if any of those Winkies do shoe repair. . ."


	6. Visitors, or prisoners

**I decided to split up this last part into two different chapters. I haven't written the next one yet, but it's on its way. Please, be patient with me. I'm glad people like this story! Your reviews mean a lot to me, so don't stop! **

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A few hours later, I go downstairs to the main hall on a whim. I stop in the doorway, finding two strange characters there waiting for me. One is a little girl around 11 who looks oddly familiar, the other a large Lion.

"What the heck are you two doing here?" I ask, bewildered. "Who let you into my castle?"

"We were kidnaped." the girl answered, seeming just as bewildered as I am.

"You were? By whom?"

"You kidnaped us." she replied. "You sent your flying monkeys to kidnap my friend and I."

"Did I? Really?" They both nodded. "Oh. Well, this is awkward. I don't even remember why."

"In that case," says the Lion tentatively, "could you let us go?"

"I don't know about that. I know I must have done it for a good reason, so for now I think I'll just keep you here until I can remember." Both their faces fell. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to go to the trouble of remembering after I let you go and having to kidnap you all over again."

This is so embarrassing. I don't even remember why, or even how these two strangers got here. In the meantime, I suppose I have to entertain guests. I haven't had guests in so long, I hope I do the right things.

"It's so kind of you to visit me in my loneliness." I say. "You might have guessed I rarely have company. It's about dinner time, so let's go see what's in the kitchen."

I lead the two into the dinning room, asking them to "make yourselves at home" while I bustle off the to kitchen. I can only find some stale bread and cheese. I write myself a note to go grocery shopping soon. Putting everything on a tray, I head back.

"Sorry," I say, as I reenter with the food, "but this is all I've got." I set down the tray in front of them, and notice the girl is clutching a little black dog. They start nibbling a little at the food.

"May I see your dog?" I ask, holding out my hands.

"What are you going to do with Toto?" the girl asks, recoiling from me.

"I'm not going to hurt him, for goodness sake. I just want to hold him." Reluctantly, she hands him over. He's a little mut with scraggly, yet smooth, black hair. He has some intelligent shine in his eyes, like he really understands what's going on.

"So, what are your names?" I ask, trying to make some small talk. There was a hesitant pause before the girl spoke.

"This is the Cowardly Lion, and I am Dorothy."

"So your name's Dorothy, is it?" She nods. "That's a strange name, I don't think I've heard it before."

"And you're the Wicked Witch of the West." Dorothy says.

"That's what _they_ call me, anyways." I answer.

"You don't seem very wicked at all." says the Cowardly Lion. "How did you get your reputation?"

After a moment of though, I reply, "I really don't remember."

There is a few minutes of awkward silence. Out of politeness, it seems, the two eat a little more.

"I suppose you might want a tour?" I ask, tentatively.

"Not me." the Cowardly Lion speaks up. "This castle looks creepy."

"Suit yourself." Still holding Toto, I lead Dorothy up the stairs.

"I don't use many of the rooms here." I explain along the way. "I just have the loft for the Monkeys and Crows, a kennel for my dogs, and a couple hives for the bees I keep. Oh, there's also the tower room, the one I'm leading you to now, and my bedroom. It's an absolute mess, so I won't even bother showing it to you. Ah, here we are."

I take a little iron key out of my pocket and unlock the door. I open it, going in first and lighting candles so we can see. Scrolls and books varying from old to ancient are crammed together on the bookshelf. The Grimmerie still lies open on the table with the crystal ball nearby. My broom is propped up in the corner near another table with a large hourglass on it. Why the heck to I have an hourglass? Oh well, I'll worry about that later.

Dorothy steps into the room looking around at all the miscellaneous parchment. "You must study a lot." she says, spinning around on the balls of her feet.

Just then, Nikko enters and starts gibbering something about the Cowardly Lion going berserk downstairs because he saw a spider.

"I'm sorry, I have to take care of a situation downstairs." I appologize, leaving the room. Once outside, I lock the door, as is my custom to make sure none of the Monkeys get in and wreck everything. They did that once, just to spite me because I had just organized everything. I never know where anything is nowadays. Wait, Monkeys can get in through the window! Darn it all!

I turn back around, reopening the door and going back in. Dorothy seems a little distraught.

"What's the matter?" I ask, putting my arm around her.

"You locked me in." she answers, through tears.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I just do that to make sure Monkeys don't obliterate everything."

"But Monkeys can come in through the window."

"That's why I came back, to close the window."

"So you're still going to leave me here?" Dorothy says, breaking into more sobs and sinking down to the floor.

"There, there, now. Don't cry." I hug her to me. "You've got to be a big girl." I stand her back up, smoothing her dress. Then, for the first time, I notice her shoes. Ruby slippers, red as a dying sunset.

Wait, her shoes? They were my sister's shoes, and therefore belong to me. They're sparkly and shiny and I want them back.

"Will you give me those slippers?" I ask, trying to withhold the anger that is slowly rising within me. Those are mine. How could I have neglected them before? Why didn't I remember!

"Why?" she asks in reply.

"They belonged to my sister, and I'd like them as a keepsake for her memory."

"But the Witch of the North told me not to." she answers, starting to recoil from me.

"Who?"

"Glinda, The Witch of the North."

"That no good. . ." I think. "I'll get her back for this."

"How about this," I say, trying to make a reasonable offer, "give those slippers or I'll drown the dog." She looks shocked and horrified.

"Would you really kill such an innocent and adorable-looking creature!"

I reflected before replying. "No, I could never do something like that. But Nikko will." I hand the mutt over to him. "Take that dog the deepest part of the river and drown him!" I say, vehemently.

He gibbers in reply. "I don't care which river as long as it's deep! Just do it!"

"No, no!" Dorothy exclaims, rushing to stop him. "No, wait. You can have the slippers, just give me back Toto!"

"Give back _who_?" I ask, confused.

"Toto, my dog." She looks at me critically. "Have you ever gotten tested for this short-term memory loss thing? You know, I think you could get pills or something that might help."

"What are pills?"

"Oh, right. Not in Kansas." she says to herself. "Never mind. Where were we?"

"You were going to give me your slippers in return for not drowning the mutt." I answer.

"Wow, you're getting better." she proclaims. "Congratulations."

"Thank you."

"There's only one problem."

"What?"

"I can't get them off."

"What!" This girl must be lying.

"No, really! I tried to take them off for the Wizard when he asked for them and they won't budge. It's really irritating, my feet hurt from constantly walking around in heels." Just to prove it, she leaned against the table for balance and pulled at the shoe. It wouldn't come off her foot.

"Let me try."I reach down to yank at the shoes, but as soon as my fingers get close enough, the things spit sparks at me! I jumped back into Nikko, who dropped the dog.

"That never happened before." Dorothy says, alarmed.

"Catch him, you fool!" I yell. He turns and glares at me. "What?" He continues to glare. "I'm sorry, okay, just get the dog before it escapes." Gibbering under his breath, he goes after Toto. None to quickly, I might add. The mutt gets over the drawbridge without interruption.

"Drat it, the dog got away!" I mutter.

"Why don't you just get your Monkeys to fly after him?" Dorothy mumbled, sounding a little exasperated. I was staring out the window and brooding so intently I didn't hear her.

"Those shoes will never come off," I say, menacingly, "as long as you're alive." Do I know this for sure? Well, of course not. I could probably just get Nikko to take them off for me, but that would be too much trouble. I'd have to yell for him, which would hurt my voice, and if I can't talk well then all my spells go wrong. I learned that last part the hard way.

"See this?" I point to the hourglass. I suppose it really is a handy thing. I still don't know why it's there in the first place, but it'll serve a purpose now. I turn it over. "That's how long you've got to live, and it isn't long. Just long enough for me to think of a wildly entertaining death for you. You can jump out the window if you want to get away, but it's a hundred feet to the bottom, and the rocks are sharp. In other words, you won't survive."

Starting to cry again, she says, "How can anyone be so mean, nasty, and cruel?"

"Lots and lots of practice." I answer, leaving the room, but closing the window first. I lock the door again.

That hourglass lasts for an hour, I wonder if that really is enough time for me to think of a way to kill her so that the spell breaks. Oh, shoot. I left the Grimmerie in there. I'm already half-way down the stairs, and there are a lot of stairs. I turn around and start the laborious climb back up. I'm getting a lot of exercise today.

Finally, I get to the door. I'm completely out of breath. I unlock it, and I hear her crying something about an "Auntie Em". I decide to play a cruel trick on her. I know she must be using the crystal ball I forgot to turn it off to see this person. I concentrate al my energy, making the crystal ball focus on me.

"I'll, give you, Auntie Em, my, pretty! AAAhahahaha!" I hear her sobs redouble inside. "Oh, and by the way, could you slip that book to me. The giant green one, should be on the desk. I'm outside the door." I open the door a crack, and the book falls through. "Thanks deary."

I begin the trek back down the stairs. Halfway down, I trip on a stray rock and fall the rest of the way. It hurt a lot, but also saved me a lot of walking.

I stand back up, rubbing some sore spots and dusting myself off. Now then, what the heck am I doing downstairs . . . . .


	7. The Sands of Time Have Run Out

Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. This is the final instalment of this story, so Enjoy! And review, please! To all those who have read/will read this, I thank you for dabbling and wasting your time on my randomness. Bye!  
-Cadringiel

* * *

Downstairs, downstairs, why am I downstairs. . . maybe I'm hungry? No, I just ate . . didn't I? Holding the Grimmerie . . . But what would I want to cast a spell for? And don't I usually cast spells up in the tower room? Hmm . . . Nikko enters, gibbering half-heartedly.

"What dog? Why were you running after a dog?" Nikko gibbers some more, testily. "Toto? Who would name a dog something like that? Oh well, I'm sure you did your best."

I start wandering again, trying to think what I'm doing downstairs. After about ten more minutes, I give up and start leafing through the Grimmerie. I flip to the "how to" section.

"How to dispel warts . . . how to volumize hair . . . how to make animals Animals . . . how to take off magic ruby slippers. . . that one's rather specific . . how to usurp a dictator . . . how to . .Wait a second! That's why I'm downstairs! Brat Doro's upstairs in the tower room, and I'm supposed to think of a way to get those slippers off her feet! Hazah! I think therefore I am.

I flip back to "how to take off magic ruby slippers" and start reading.

"How to take off magic ruby slippers:

"Warning: Do NOT attempt to remove by hand if you are a witch. It will hurt (That's a little late.)

"Step 1- Make sure the person wearing them has no friends nearby. If they are nearby, dispose of them in the same manner as recommended for the wearer.

"Step 2- Keep some water nearby in case of emergencies.

"Step 3- Light a long stick or branch or some other organic object on fire. Hold the end that is NOT on fire. (That seems obvious. Well, I suppose the writer didn't want to be sued for liability.)

"Step 4- Light the wearer (and/or friends) on fire with the organic object, preferably starting with the top.

"Step 5- Make sure the fire does not go out. After the wearer has been burned completely into ashes, the slippers will remain untouched by the fire. Wait at least 5-10 minutes before removing slippers without protective gloves as they will be hot.

"Step 6- Now the slippers should be wearable. Put them on your feet and enjoy wearing them for an eternity or until you yourself are burned."

Well, that seems simple enough. No incantations or anything. What could I use as a long stick. I'd first think of breaking off one of the branches in the Haunted Forest, but those trees aren't ones to cross. Maybe . . . the broom? I mean, I love that old thing to death, but the ruby slippers . . . I know I'll never find another pair of those.

While debating in my mind whether to use the broom or not, I hear four different kinds of footsteps coming my way: soft heavy footsteps, small quick clicking footsteps, creaking clanking footsteps, and soft footsteps that sound almost like hay hitting the floor. Just then four curious creatures ran into my room. A large Lion, a Tin Woodman, a Scarecrow, and a small black dog. All stopped short the second they entered.

"Hallo, who are you?" I asked, confused.

"W-we, um, we are, um," stuttered the Scarecrow.

"Can you tell us where to find Dorothy?" asked the Lion boldly. The Scarecrow and Tin Woodman looked at him in shock and horror.

"Who's Dorothy?" I asked.

"A little girl, about 11 or so years old," explained the Lion, "wearing a blue and white gingham dress."

"Hmmm, sorry." I answered, straining my memory to no avail. "I don't know anyone of that sort. I'm truly sorry, I think you have the wrong castle. Maybe you can try the one up the road?"

"She also had on a fairly distinguished pair of red shoes." put forth the Scarecrow.

"Oh yes! That no-good brat, stealing my slippers. She's in the tower room, all the way up the stairs and on the left." I answered, pointing them in the right direction.

"Thank you very much, Miss Witch." said the Tin Woodman graciously.

"You're quite welcome." I reply just as graciously and return to my mental debate. I guess I can always cast another levitation spell on another broom.

I start walking up the stairs to the tower room to retrieve my broom about halfway up, the group of companions run down the stairs right past me.

"Watch your step!" I call after them, continuing my ascent. Five minutes later, as I walk into the tower room and find it devoid of the brat, I realize what must have happened.

"WINKIES! STOP THEM!" I scream down the stairs. I grab the broom and hourglass, which has run out of sand, and start running down the stairs. After about three steps, the broom makes me loose my balance and go tumbling down the rest of the way.

With a large thump, I land down at the bottom landing. Owwwwowowow, I groan straitening up. My eyes are greeted by the sight of the foursome cowering near the doorway surrounded by Winkies. I blink a little in confusion.

"How did you get out," I say, pointing to Dorothy, "and how did you all get in?" I ask, pointing at the companions.

"You told us where to find her." answered the Lion.

"I What! Oh, well, never mind about that. The sands of time have run out for all of you." I say, holding up the empty hourglass. "Ring around the rosie, a pocket full of spears," I taunt, descending the steps, "thought you'd be pretty foxy, didn't you?"

(Step 1- get rid of friends, I think. Wait, step 2- have some water nearby.)

"Bring me a bucket of water!" I command the Winkie general. "Now then, Enie, menie, minie moe, who shall be the first to go," I chant, pointing at each in turn. "Lion, girl, Tin Man, no! My broom has chosen Scarecrow!"

The Winkie returns with the water. I light the end of the broom on fire and grab the flaming bristles. Ouch! Ohhh, right, grab the end not on fire. I turn it around, nursing my burns, and start moving it closer to the Scarecrow.

"No! No, please!" the Scarecrow pleads.

"What's the matter, Scarecrow? Don't you want to be my old flame?"

"Leave him alone!" shouts Dorothy. "Can't you see he's terrified!"

"I'll get around to you eventually, Miss Mouth! In the meantime, watch your friend here go up in . . ."

One of the sparks from the broom fell on the hem of my dress, lighting it on fire. I scream, dropping the broom in panic and try to stamp it out.

"Oh no!" yelled the girl, in fright. She runs toward the bucket of water. "I'll save you!"

"No! Not the water!" I screech, but too late. She threw that water all over me, burning through me with a flame worse than any earthly fire.

"Ohh! What have you done!" I scream in pain. "I'm melting! MELTING! Who could have thought a good little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness! OOOHHH!"

The flame eating away at me, darkness closing in, I see the faces of all those I've known. First my family, then those whose stories are finished, next those whose stories are yet unended. I see the girl, and her gang of misfits, clearly, then fading into the darkness with the rest of the world.

I am dead, I tell myself. And I remember everything.


End file.
